I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize