How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
