I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
