On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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