it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
