You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
