I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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