I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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