he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
