listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
