i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
