life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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