every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
