I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
