1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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