He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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