my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
