bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
