i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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