mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's blow job season.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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