i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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