Screwed.edu
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
