if i can run in heels then i can drive
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
