if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
