I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
