Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
