I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
