Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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