Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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