I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
