Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
