Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
