Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
