you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
