I never want to see another naked old woman again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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