I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
