It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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