Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
