____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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