I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
