why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize