Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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