i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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