The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
