you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it was like eating out sand paper
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
