My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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