how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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