Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
