I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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