hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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