I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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