she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think people are normalizing furries
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
