You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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