Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
