I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
