Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Couch. On fire.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
