you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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