First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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