You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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