My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize