he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
