I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
