Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
