You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
